From a historical perspective, many of us appreciate that our system of government was set up by a group of very intelligent and very idealistic men who, retrospectively, could not fully predict, or fully comprehend the degree of effort that would eventually be expended to thwart their finest efforts in the future. Mistakenly assuming that potential enemies of their great experiment were also noble and selfless people, our founding fathers somehow failed to incorporate safeguards into their new system that would protect their brand new government from what we now refer to as "special interests". The founding fathers would have referred to these guys as "rogues. pirates, buffoons, Tories, or other classes of low characters, and they never even thought of including "lobbyist, representative, senator, governor, or mayor" in that category. That failure alone serves as circumstantial evidence that special interest types not only existed at the formation of our government, but were quite active, and quite effective, even in those bygone days when political idealism reigned high.

Since we lost on-the-scene and truly idealistic watchdogs like Washington and Jefferson, our political system has generally evolved into a system of representative democracy where representation of the common man and the common good have taken a back seat to representation of the special interest group. Lincoln, in spite of all the hype connected with the persona, was basically responding to another group of powerful special interests when he freed the slaves. Today, an awful lot of hot air about the need to change this system is being expended on the subject of lobby reform by the same people who tend to profit the most from the present system. In another vein, that hot air is also being expended by the very group which has the least to gain were the system actually seriously reformed. Nobody ever hears much about the subject from the special interest groups themselves, because we know they are more used to doing their talking behind the scenes. However, you can bet that they already have their ducks in order, and can afford to sit back and wait until things blow over. Those guys know that the bottom line of any true reform of the present system means they lose, lose, lose. Therefore, when all this hot air is examined in any detail, it comes down to the realization that we are left with a prospect where serious reform of the present system, when all the really important decisions are going to be made behind the scenes by special interests, following prepared special interest scripting, is about as likely as the Sun suddenly rising on the western horizon. Serious reform simply means that the power to change the system must be transferred to a independent body and away from the people who stand to profit from every possible action. That is the single failing of the founding fathers: they failed to envision, or empower, a meaningful way to keep the foxes out of the hen house. For that failing there can be no forgiveness.

The fact that special interests dominated the early government speaks for itself. The lack of any early meaningful control over untoward influence simply means that special interest groups have basically been having their own way - uninterrupted and unaffected by any of the philosophical rhetoric coming out of the Age of Reason. Money talked then, and it still does today. Influence talked then, and it still does today. Money and influence remain the only essential truths of American politics. What was good for general Bullmoose then, is still good for the general Bullmooses of today. Unfortunately, the solution to this problem still evades us, and the main reason this is so is that our founding fathers didn't have the intestinal fortitude to eliminate the influence of special interests in the only way that it would have been totally effective. They obviously knew the problem existed, and reasonable men of the 18th Century were not political neophytes. They simple avoided taking on the task, obviously hoping for someone else to solve the problem at a later date. Nevertheless, there remain only two ways to accomplish this task in our time:

The Solution:

1.) establish a federal death penalty for lobbying and lobbyists, and

2.) recognizing that even the threat of a death penalty would have no effect on the vicissitudes of human nature, only permit actual executions for a short period of time before

3.) allowing surviving lobbyists to establish a large studio complex with several television/cable channels in the Washington area (maybe even in Baltimore now that NFL tickets will once again be at a premium) for the special interests to peddle their wares in a manner that is completely visible, public, and completely paid for by those wishing to educate our legislative and executive bodies. Lobbyist sponsored TV would give credence to the concept that truly good ideas are never lost if they are given a guaranteed vehicle of communication and openly distributed for discussion and consumption by all concerned.

As noted above, while the public enjoys the first round of executions of the dumber lobbyists, and upon promulgation of a special reprieve after a year or so, the remaining deeply covered, and highly secretive professional lobbyists could be counted on to rapidly and eagerly surface to come up with the ideas and cash needed to design and build an equitable system for communicating the need for this or that to an equally stunned, and thus, highly attentive professional political class. Even the assignment of office space and infighting for pecking order in the Studios of Lobbying Over in Baltimore, (SLOB TV) could be left entirely to the surviving lobbyist class. OK, maybe just LOB-TV. These are clever people, and after taking everything else from them, they will need somewhere to exercise their God-given talents. Besides, with everything they do completely visible on a 24 hour-a-day schedule, and under the unrelenting eye of television, the shear entertainment value for the rest of us would be hard to top. There wouldn't even be any need for commercials in the usual sense of the word, since all of the buildings, equipment, broadcast time, and personnel would be paid for by the special interests. Just think of the items that would be advertised on those channels.

SLOB-TV, or LOB-TV thus establishes an unpaid and independent body of media based government sanctioned lobbyists free to ply their wares through a system of televised commercial broadcasting similar to C-SPAN. Our elective representatives, as well as the public, would be free to tune in to see what ideas were being pushed by special interest group A, or special interest group B, at any time of the day. Our public servants in Washington would be totally free of the need to make room in their busy schedules to see the man from this, or that special interest group in their offices, or out in the restaurants, bars, parks, and public vistas of the nations capital. Imagine the efficiencies that would become possible when our public servants are freed of the need to accommodate themselves to special interest purveyors between sessions, and can simply switch on their-TV to find out what is really near and dear to the hearts of special interests around the world.

The tongue in cheek is over with, but I would like to submit the kernel of the idea for consideration. When you think about it, maybe it is just a more efficient application of modern developments in communication technology. Any good idea is a terrible thing to waste, even if it doesn't come from a highly paid professional lobbyist. Why not let everyone know about it and let history be the ultimate judge. Just like C-SPAN, the whole viewing audience would also be free to express their opinions with a round the clock call-in number. Congressional staff TV watchers would become a new form of government employment. It would generate the new TV personalities for future consumption. I can also envision the boom in the polling business this would engender, and interactive TV would truly come of age.

©1995 R. E. Brossman